Me Since You by Laura Wiess

Author:Laura Wiess [Wiess, Laura]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9781439193990
Publisher: MTV Books
Published: 2014-02-18T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 34

The house is empty.

The funeral is over and everyone has gone back to their lives.

Except us.

This is what we have to go back to.

There is no right direction so we go in no direction at all.

Sometimes the most we can do in a day is feed Stripe.

Eva tells me not to rush, to come back to work when I’m ready.

I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.

My grandparents call every day. So do the aunts.

So do Nadia and Eli.

Sometimes I answer and sometimes I don’t.

I just can’t seem to care.

The only thing I want is my father.

I say that to Eli and after a long, unbroken silence he says quietly, “Do you want me to stop calling for a while and give you some breathing room? I’m not trying to put pressure on you, Row. Whatever you need me to do. Just tell me. I won’t take offense, I swear.” His voice drops so low I can barely hear him. “It’s bringing a lot of past stuff up for me, too, and now with the dog and all . . . I don’t want to make it worse by putting all that on you.”

“No, you’re not. I . . .” I what? What do I want? I rub my forehead, trying to clear the fog in my brain and sort his words, but my thoughts are scattered and I don’t know what’s happening. “Wait.”

“It’s okay,” he says, sounding miserable. “I won’t come by, either. Not till you tell me to. I don’t want to make you feel like you have to see me because—”

“Wait,” I say again, even more confused. “Are you saying we’re done?”

“No,” he says vehemently. “But I know what it’s like, having all these people around expecting things and wanting pieces of you when you don’t have anything left to give them, putting pressure on you just by being there waiting. I don’t want to do that to you. I care about you, Row, a lot. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Like Crystal,” I say numbly.

“No, she was . . . That wouldn’t have lasted, anyway.” He stops and when he starts again, his voice is slow and heavy. “Rowan, I didn’t know what to do when my dad died. I mean, I was lost. Mad. So pissed off that I ran Daisy all over Houston just to wear myself out so I wouldn’t put my fist through the wall. Like I was punishing myself for taking the dog or my dad for sending her home, because there was this 24/7 loop in my head going, What if she’d sniffed out the IED before it blew? What if the only reason he died was because he sent her back to me instead of keeping her there with him?”

“No,” I whisper, because I’ve been what-iffing, too.

“Yeah,” he says with a ragged snort. “She was sick with grief and I was running her because I was sick, too. Christ, I’ll never forgive myself for that. It was so fucking hot and now .

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